WRITING THE ONLINE PROFILE: BE HONEST!

I found when dating online, that a large percentage of men (and I hear that women do it too), LIE about themselves in one way or another. If you can’t stand cats, say so. Typically, it’s height that most men are dishonest about, and I hear that women most often lie about their weight. In my profile, I said that I was partial to men who were 6’0” or taller. As a result, I met more than a few men who said that they were 6’0” tall, but upon meeting them, I found that they were usually much shorter. I can honestly say, that in the years that I was dating online, I must have met dozens of men, and in my estimation, a good 80% of them were completely dishonest with regard to their height.

Online dating sites are repetitive in their advice to post a picture with your profile. They’re right. You will most definitely get more responses to your profile if you add your picture, than you will if you don’t. The first time that I went online and did my profile, I didn’t post a picture, because (and this is a common excuse), I didn’t want anyone I knew to fluke onto my picture online. At that time, I posted the profile, and within minutes I received about 3 or 4 “smiles” or some sites call them “winks”. Okay, not amazing, right? About 2 weeks later, discouraged with the number and type or attention I was receiving, I posted a picture. The response was instant. I was swamped. The site administrators are definitely right. The profile with the picture gets much more attention than the no picture profile.

When you’re posting a profile picture, in gawd’s name, post a picture that is
RECENT. Recent picture meaning within the last year or two. Too many times daters (men and women) post pictures of themselves that are 9 or 10 years old, taken way back when they were 40 or 50 pounds lighter, had more hair, and before they began to look like they do at present. Nothing is more frustrating than meeting someone who posted a picture of themselves that is older then dirt! Most times, they don’t even look like the same person. DO NOT POST AN ANCIENT PICTURE OF YOURSELF…EVER! Save yourself the embarrassment, and post a recent picture. I know women who have walked out on dates with men who were dishonest with regard to their physical description. And they should!

If you’re going to date online, do it right. Be honest, and include a RECENT picture with your profile. Nobody wants to see a 20 year old picture of you expecting that that’s who they’ll be meeting. It’ll only get you a bad reaction when you do meet.

Here’s to happy dating!

Nicolette.

Copyright 2005 Nicolette Arden All Rights Reserved

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Stay Away From the "No Picture" Profile

If you understand absolutely nothing else that you read here, P-U-L-E-A-S-E understand this; if looks are even marginally important to you (and they should be...they DO matter, no matter what society tries to tell us), don’t even think about meeting someone who cannot or will not provide you with a picture of themselves BEFORE meeting you. I’m going to say this more than once in the course of this thing. It is the one piece of information that members of the opposite sex should be able to include in their dating possibility assessments. I was the type of person who believed that what's inside is what counts more than anything else. This experience changed that.

Here’s a little story about meeting before seeing a picture; When I first started the online dating thing, I began chatting with this dude. He saw me online, read my profile, and struck up a conversation. Nice guy, but I hadn’t seen what he looked like…yet. That was my first mistake.

We chatted for awhile, and as it turned out, we had a few things in common. He had children, so did I. He was divorced. So was I. He was self-employed, and I was too. We graduated from chatting on the site’s instant message system, to chatting via msn. From there, we emailed back and forth for a couple of weeks, until finally, it was time...time to hear what we each sounded like on the phone! He gave me his number, and after a few nervous days, I called him. He had a nice voice. We talked for about 3 hours. That conversation ended with us making arrangements to meet for dinner. That was my second mistake.

He called that day to confirm our time, and to find out what I would be wearing, so he’d know who I was. He told me what he would be wearing. I should have felt the sharp stab from the stick of the red flag when he said, “purple blazer”. Yes sweethearts. The man said that he’d be wearing a “purple blazer, with navy pants and a multi-colored, Pucci-type shirt…” (Can you see the expression on my face yet?) But okay, he’s a nice guy. His profile said that he was 40, 6’1” and blonde. Okay…I’m partial to darker features, but how messed up could blonde be?

I got to the restaurant first. I waited outside for him, and he called me on my cell to let me know that he was in the area, but was hunting for parking. Okay. Good. He’s here. There was this huge square pole-type thing outside of the restaurant doors, and I thought, “Hey! I can hide behind this thing! That way, I’ll see him before he sees me!” Quickly, I jumped behind the big square pole. Barely a minute later, I saw this man come around the corner of the building, and omigawd! There was the purple blazer, and the navy pants, and yes...gawd help me, the multi-colored, Pucci-type shirt made a guest appearance as well. But his attire was not the best part of this little tale. Nope. Even the fact that he was carrying one of those “man purses” isn’t the best part of this tale. The best part of this tale is that the man was a Rod Stewart wannabe!! Yes my friends…ROD BLOODY STEWART!! Right down to the standing-in-a-serious-wind hair, he looked like Rod Stewart. And not young Rod Stewart either. Old Rod! The only word my brain would process at that moment was “Run.” Not that there's anything wrong with Rod Stewart, but a 45 year old Rod Stewart look-alike, was more than I was willing to deal with.

Make sure you see a RECENT picture BEFORE you meet. Period.

Here's to happy dating!

Nicolette.

Secret #2: MAKE THE LIST

I’m a big believer in “the list”. What is “the list”? “The list” is a list of must haves that you make as a reminder to yourself as to just which attributes “Mr. Wonderful” should and SHOULD NOT have. If, for example you'd like to find a man with dark hair and dark eyes, etc. put it on the list.

Secret #2: Make a list for yourself before you begin. Which characteristics does Mr. or Ms. Perfect have to possess? I had a list for myself. I knew way too well, exactly what type of man I was after. He had to be tall…6’0” or taller. He had to have a car. He had to be caring, thoughtful, gainfully employed, he didn’t have to be rich, but he had to be able to support himself financially. I’m the mother of 2, and I was most definitely NOT looking for another dependent. He had to be living on his own. I’m not into the roommate thing, and I’m not even going to dignify the living with mom thing. Age was iffy. I didn’t want someone who looked like it was possible that he could be my grandfather, or even my father, so he had to be 40 or under.

The man that I met online is everything on my list. I would, and have recommended online dating to anyone who asks (and some who don’t ask). The man that I met (and am now married to), is the sweetest, kindest person I know. He’s also someone that I probably would not have met through ordinary channels, and I’m thankful every day that I met him the way that I did.

Here's to happy dating!

Nicolette.

Internet Dating: What Are You Looking For?

So you’ve decided to start dating online. Good for you! So what now? What to consider first? Well, decide on what you want to get out of this experience. Do you merely want to find a movie buddy? Someone to date? Are you looking for a long-term relationship? "Holy Matrimony"? A boyfriend/girlfriend? A sex buddy? Before you “jump into the pool” so to speak, it would be a good idea to think about exactly what it is that you’re looking to get out of this experience.

First secret (and it's more of a commom sense thing than a secret) of online dating would be, "Decide EXACTLY what it is that you want to get out of this experience."

Here's to happy dating!

Nicolette.

Copyright 2005 Nicolette Arden All Rights Reserved

lavalife.com: Like, Lust, or Love? Find what you're looking for!

So...You've decided to try internet dating...

...and why not? Everyone's doing it now. I mean, almost every single (unattached) person I know has tried internet dating at least once. There are perks to internet dating, as well as some things that one should look out for, but all in all, I would honestly say that the pros far outweigh the cons.

My name is Nicolette Arden, and I'm a seasoned online dater. Though I'm no longer dating online (after 4 years, I found the love of my life there, a nice normal human being), I learned some extremely valuable things in the process of finding him, and I'm going to share them with you.

There are definitely some things that only a seasoned internet dating pro would be able to tell you about online dating. Though it's mostly a game of common sense, I'm here to tell you about the do's and don't's of online dating...the things that aren't so common sense.

So go grab a java (I'll wait), and read on. I'm going to tell you some of my scary stories (good ones too), and hope that they help you navigate your way through the internet dating maze.

Here's to Happy Dating!

Nicolette.

Copyright 2005 Nicolette Arden All Rights Reserved